And you’d be wrong…mostly.

The truth is that there are reasons why I have vast amounts of time to do little else but sit in front of a screen, but the truth is also that I just love television. Good TV is a feast for the mind and the eye, and I have greatly enjoyed this summer’s banquet.

So right around the time that Sanctuary was breaking my Amanda Tapping-loving heart, a new show came in to sweep me off my feet with its cleverness and humor and general non-suckitude.

Oh, and cute boys.

Supernatural is one of those cult hits that I knew a little about and figured I would catch up on someday. Hannah was the one to finally suggest that we check it out, so we sent away for the first disc from Netflix, and before we had even finished that disc I bought the whole of Season 1 from Amazon. And within a week I had bought Seasons 2, 3, 4 and 5. Seriously. It is just that good. Within a little over a month I had watched the first five seasons twice (what? It was March in Maine. Not a whole lot else to do…)

I wrote over on LJ, “The whole family’s gotten hooked, too, which is a rare and wonderful thing. It’s certainly made this Vancouver-esque weather a lot more bearable. And we’re having real, serious discussions about heaven and hell and Western philosophy, free will and family. Our Facebook pages have been completely taken over by quotes and videos and “I ♥ S+D” (that from Stephen’s girlfriend, who came for the boys and stayed for the awesomeness…and the boys.) I have not been this creatively and intellectually into a show in a very long time, and I haven’t geeked out this intensely since Stargate SG:1 was on the air. I love it. All of it.” When we finally caught ourselves up with Season 6, we celebrated the season finale with a party.

With the end of the TV season came warmer weather and sunshine, so we started spending more time outside, at the beach, around the campfire. And when we watched TV we watched reruns: The X-Files, MST3K, Parks and Recreation. We made our way through most of Being Human, but getting the whole group together in one place at one time can be a bit of a logistical nightmare, so two months later we’re still two episodes from the end of Season 1. We might actually finish it by the time Season 2 is on Hulu.

Then starting in late June, I saw more and more people talking about HBO’s new series: Game of Thrones. And not just talking like, “Oh hey, this show is kind interesting”, but expounding on it with great emotion and enthusiasm. I had seen print ads and other promos for the show here and there, but was under the impression that it was a ‘historical’ drama along the lines of The Tudors, in which case…

What I didn’t know is that Game of Thrones is based on George R.R. Martin’s series of ‘epic fantasy’ novels (Wikipedia’s words, not mine): A Song of Fire and Ice.

If I must make a second confession, it’s that I had no idea these books existed at all. For all of my interest in wildly fantastical television shows I tend to shy away from reading fiction, because I’ve been burned far too many times by dreadful prose. Unlike TV shows, where I have no problem dumping them when it’s apparent that they’re – you know – awful, I tend to stick with books hoping that maybe it will get better or maybe it will just pick up after the first 100 pages. Not finishing a movie or TV series? No problem. And yet I have this terrible, terrible guilt about not finishing a book.[/end confession]

 So I didn’t know much about the books aside from ‘People Really Love Them’, but what I heard from those book lovers was that they were overall very happy with how the show represented the original material. In an industry where “book adaptation” tends to be equated with “sacrilege”, you don’t get a much more glowing review than that.

Long story short: I watched devoured those ten episodes in less than a week. Game of Thrones is expansive and richly layered, humorous, tragic, and above all incredibly compelling. I was riveted from start to finish and, not willing to wait nearly a year for the next season, picked up the book series. I’m about halfway through A Game of Thrones right now (the first season of the show covers the entirety of the first book), and even knowing what’s going to happen next has not affected my utter enjoyment of the book. The books are long – each one of the five clocks in at nearly 800 pages – and there are yet two more planned, but all that means is that I’ll be enjoying A Song of Fire and Ice for a long time to come.

Still, having just ten episodes of an excellent series does tend to whet the appetite for more. I whipped through the all-too-few episodes of Wallander with Kenneth Branagh and Tom Hiddleston. I re-watched Freaks and Geeks, and Life on Mars (because they will never get less awesome), and Hannah and I resumed our regular Buffy watching.

And then I had a nice visit with my friend Stephanie, and she told me all about one of her favorite shows. Stephanie is a lot like me, and because she’ll freely admit it herself I don’t feel bad about mentioning it here: we’re both snobs. I am very, very particular about what I watch, and feel strongly about not wasting my time on crappy media. But at the recommendation of my wonderful fellow pop culture-phile, I decided to check out this show.

Sometime I need to make a long list and title it ‘Things I Was Glad to Be Proven Wrong About’. Somewhere near the top would be Adele, followed by Brussels sprouts and True Blood.

Yes…True Blood.

Only someone like Stephanie could have urged me to watch this show, because it was really one of those things I swore that I would NEVER do, like wearing skinny jeans or voting for Palin. But it was mid-summer, and I was media starved, and I consumed True Blood like…well, like a vampire consumes the hemoglobinous synthetic Tru Blood: with a mixture of anticipation and dread.

Unlike them, however, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

Now I’ll be the first to tell you that True Blood is pure, unadulterated crack. It isn’t just silly; it’s surreal. Any normal tone or emotion is turned up to 11, and it frequently swings from gruesome to goofy in the space of .00099 seconds.

Someone on io9 said that the difference between a bad show and a show like True Blood is that the bad show has no idea how ridiculous it’s being. The thing about True Blood that many people fail to appreciate is this: they know exactly how ridiculous they are being. They don’t just swing for the fences, they swing for the freaking moon, and they have a hell of a time doing it.

It makes watching True Blood a very different experience from, say, watching Supernatural. Both shows are incredibly self-aware (which, being the post-modern young adult that I am, I adore), and both shows take huge take huge leaps in storytelling. Supernatural tackled the apocalypse. True Blood, in it’s on-again-off-again dance with the source material, went with the books and made its protagonist part-fairy. FAIRY.

But where Supernatural has always tried to maintain an honesty of experience and human emotion, True Blood has pushed the bounds of character development, and credulity. When I’m watching Supernatural, or Game of Thrones, or any of my other favorite shows, I really do care about what happens to the characters.

When I’m watching True Blood, I am just along for the ride. My lack of personal investment in the characters means that I am open to whatever the show throws at us next, which is both fun and incredibly freeing. I literally can’t wait to see what crazy thing they’re going to do. And what saves a show like True Blood from becoming a farce of itself is that the writing is brilliant, funny and biting (ha), the characters are incredibly fun, and the acting is sharp.The crappy southern accents can leave a lot to be desired, but the performances rarely do.

And every so often, all the ridiculous elements of the story will build up to a scene like this one where they whomp you right in the feelings bone.

Damn you, True Blood.

The show’s fourth season is nearly over, but thankfully, we’re less than a month away from the regular TV season. Just 28 days until Supernatural season seven.

Not that I’m counting or anything…

I love Erika (Henry’s sort-of-ish girlfriend). I love that she’s smart and independent and clearly has no problem taking initiative in a relationship and following her own path. I think she and Henry are cute together, but I was pretty happy with where they left things.

But now, in contrast with a well-rounded character like Erika, I loathe Abby with even greater intensity. What are the writers even doing with this character?

She should be a strong, capable woman and she’s almost totally incompetent! For goodness sake, she swooned (allergic to Lepidoptera fumes, whatever) And she had to be coddled for most of the episode. Why can’t Abby save Will for once? Seriously?

Of course that last scene with Henry and Magnus was just so wonderfully adorable, I was ready to forgive the show almost immediately.

But don’t even get me started on this…

Hurrah.

All snarkitude aside, the above scene was by far my favorite of the episode. Possibly one of my favorite scenes in the whole season. I love when they expand on the world inside the Sanctuary, and we really don’t get enough little moments of character revelation and bonding.

I love Declan.

I guess after this last time, Magnus felt it really wasn’t a good idea to leave them unsupervised in her absence?

My one big nitpick:

For being a behavioral scientist and an FBI agent, Abby makes a really bad hostage. I did not love that she was so…useless. I get that they wanted Will to be the hero this time, but this show celebrates strong and intelligent women, and when Abby should have been both she turned out to be neither. Blech.

Sanctuary, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Kate and Biggie play basketball in their free time (this may be my favorite reveal of all)

Will’s favorite band is Rush. I kind of love that.

“The building’s possessed. Again!” Oh, Biggie…

The Big Guy had so much awesomeness in this episode, I can’t even tell you…

The only thing this picture is missing is one tall and handsome bald dude,

and a scrawny ex-vampire with bedhead. Can it please just always be

them always forever and ever? PLEASE?

Best Quote of the Night:

“I could really use a hand with all this paperwork.”

“Oh, I’d love to, really. But my hands…”

“What about your hands?”

“They’re big and hairy! It’s why I gave up needlepoint.”

But even though I haven’t posted every review, I am caught up with the current episodes and have been looking forward with great anticipation to the premiere of Sanctuary Season 3.5. Dear show: Please don’t ever take an extra long hiatus like that again. Sincerely, a fan.

The writers spun out a WHOLE LOT of plot threads within the first half of this season, all of which really needed to be resolved in order to move this story along. So how did they do?

First off…Hollow Earth

The big question that’s been hanging over us for months now: what is it, exactly?

Amongst the gobs of exposition we got in this episode, we learned that Hollow Earth was formed over eight thousand years ago as a refuge from vampires (which explains their need for vampire-detecting technology). Evidently a large group of [White, English-speaking] humans living topside decided to just let the vamps keep the surface while the rest of creation retreated underground.

Now, obviously, there were still pockets of human populations left on the surface, which means that the Hollow Earth folks basically left them behind as vampire bait. It also means that while they were advanced enough to create one of Earth’s greatest civilizations from within the planet, they weren’t advanced enough (or just not at all inclined) to find a way to combat the vampire menace. Instead, the little cave-dwellers they left behind would eventually rise up and completely defeat an entire superior race without the benefit of Hollow Earth’s bountiful technology. That fact alone should afford the surface-living folks a lot more respect than the outright contempt that they’re given. It’s not as though Hollow Earth is unaware of the goings on upstairs. But I digress…

The holomap left to Helen by her father was in fact a miniature model of Praxis, the major city in Hollow Earth. Aside from being just a really big underground metropolis – the logistics of which I still don’t quite get – it turns out that the ruling powers in Praxis play a critical role in maintaining the balance between humans and abnormals by keeping the biggest and the baddest of the abnormals under close control. Or so they claim. I think it’s fair to say that they’re not entirely altruistic or entirely straightforward.

Big Bertha/Kali and the other Super Abnormals

Who are they?

We weren’t given whole lot of information in this episode, at least not much more than we already knew. What exactly the avatar chamber is, how the super abnormals (or “hyper-species”, as Ranna calls them) interact with each other or with certain humans within the chamber, or why they would choose to do so at all, is still entirely unclear. We did meet the super abnormal responsible for the counterwave that mitigated Kali’s little temper tantrum: a giant salamander-looking creature called Kanaan. But poor Kanaan has a bit of a parasite problem, and when the powerful being that controls the Earth’s geothermal vents is sick, it’s just bad news for everybody.

Kanaan turned out to be remarkably tolerant of human hands fishing around in his arteries, and the day was saved. Go Team!

Helen’s Illness

Helen was dying from radiation poisoning. And then she was killed. And then she was revived…but the radiation poisoning was still killing her. And then they fixed her. The End.

Helen’s Dad

One of the biggest questions hanging over us since last season: what is up with Helen’s dad? He’s a doctor and researcher who in his free time built a phenomenally complex puzzle within the labyrinth beneath the abandoned vampire city of Bhalasaam. The man was not only involved with The Cabal from the very beginning, but he’s been in on this whole Hollow Earth thing for well over century, given the clues he’s been leaving for Helen since her 26th birthday.

Really, it’s no wonder that Helen’s a workaholic.

Turns out that Gregory Magnus was a resident of Hollow Earth for some 65 years before he ‘disappeared’. I’m guessing that disappearance coincided with his being kidnapped by The Cabal? I’d love to see a timeline of Gregory’s life, just to have a clearer picture of how and when he did all this stuff.

At some point after his whole beetle-in-the-brain incident he returned to Hollow Earth, and the next time we see him he’s infiltrated the avatar chamber with Kali and the other super abnormals. He gives Will a cryptic message that leads Helen to find the hidden map to Hollow Earth, and his actions have him branded as a traitor. And yet he still managed to retain some allies, because when Helen finds him in the tunnels outside the city, he refers to “his men” being killed during the recent geothermic instability.

In the end, little is explained but all is forgiven for Gregory Magnus. He remains in Hollow Earth as an ambassador to the surface.

Adam

Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde. Adam Worth.

Adam was shot by Helen in 1908. He was found in the river and brought into the city, where he lived for almost thirty years. His experiments with anti-matter led to the death of hundreds, and as a result he was executed/placed in stasis for several decades, until he was revived by Fallon. When the government found out that Adam was alive, he was forced to flee the city and sought out Helen Magnus in order to find a way back into Hollow Earth. Adam claims to be a champion of the oppressed, but as Will points out, his actions are motivated almost solely by his ego and desire for recognition. Though it’s never made clear what he truly intended to use the calorem device for, it probably wasn’t anything good.

That said, Adam is a great villain. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s slightly unhinged, and incredibly skeezy. Ian Tracey is just fantastic in this role, and he brought a truly nuanced performance that none of the other guest actors in this episode could match. The only other actor that gave me actual chills was, of course, Christopher Heyerdahl. Druitt was as Bad Ass as he’s ever been, and Adam and Druitt together are just magnetic. I know Adam was evil and all…but I was kind of sad to see him go. If he is really gone.

Which just leads me back to…

Hollow Earth

When you bring back a contemporary of The Five, you better have a damn good explanation for how they’re still living and breathing, or else I’m just going to believe that there was something in Oxford’s water supply circa 1885.

Are we meant to assume that the underground dwellers have some kind of life-extending abilities that were not at all touched upon in this episode? Adam was an Oxford student in the 1880′s (since Gregory Magnus was still around on Helen’s 34th birthday, we can assume that The Five’s experiments occurred when Helen was in her 30′s). Whether or not he graduated is unclear, but at some point he left school and became a father. The death of his daughter drove him to madness and in 1908, Helen shot him and he floated downstream to the great underground city. Even if we ignore the fact that he doesn’t appear to have aged in the over 20 years he spent above ground, he then went on to live for almost 30 years in Hollow Earth. Which makes Adam at least 70 by the time he is (temporarily) put to death.

Then there’s Gregory Magnus who was born in 1829, making him over 50 years old at the time of his disappearance. It would be at least 120 years before he reappeared looking none the worse for wear, but barely half of that time was spent living in Hollow Earth. As has been explained to us previously, Helen’s alive because of the Source Blood and Druitt’s alive because of Helen’s blood. Tesla was immortal, and Watson was just a genius with a steampunk suit. So how, exactly, has Gregory Magnus managed to defy aging?

Memory Stealing Invisi-People

Adam’s little albino warriors.

Yeah, I’m still not sure what’s happening there.

Tesla

Okay, I’ll admit, I just wanted to see Tesla. In fact, I would have loved a whole montage of clips featuring Tesla and the Big Guy holding down the fort back home while everyone’s off dying in Hollow Earth.

Sanctuary, you let me down.

In Conclusion

To borrow a phrase from one Samantha Carter: Holy Hanna, that was a lot of exposition. Tunisian serapods. Tabors. The calorem device. This episode had entirely too. much. terminology. And for all the build-up, I’m not entirely sure that the pay off was worth it. We had way to much explanation and way too little action, and all in all, I’ll be glad when this Hollow Earth business is over and our heroes can go back to their crazy lives as usual.

Stray observations…

- “I know that smell.” Nice little nod to Henry’s latent wolfey abilities.

- An internal parasite that matches its coloring to “blend in”. Really?

- I swear, I won’t harp on the crazy biology lessons (*cough*positive ion wash*cough*), but how easy would it really be to cauterize the skin of a creature that swims in molten rock? Wouldn’t he have some kind of built-in defense to, say, heat?

Helen: “They need our help.”

Will: “Look, I’m not one to hold a grudge or anything, but…they killed us.”

Henry: “Yeah, and they won’t cure you.”

Kate: “Right. Grudge.”

Henry: “Holo-data transfer. Virtual sim chambers.”

Will: “Death by force field.”

Kate: “Protein shakes that taste like diapers.”

Henry: “I know. Awesome, right?”

Ranna: “Are you certain that you can remove it safely?”

Helen: “Well, I’ve never encountered either of these creatures before, so…no. Let’s get started.”

Gotta love Helen’s can-do attitude.

All those weeks of searching paid off and they finally found Ashley, only to have her nearly eviscerate the lot of them. Helen can’t even bring herself to say just what the Cabal have turned Ashley into. Kate – either from sympathy or fear for her limbs – puts Magnus in touch with her contact at the Cabal: Mizz Evil Monologue herself.

She tells Helen that Ashley can still be saved if, and only if, the Sanctuary network is totally surrendered. “Your daughter, or your work. You choose.”

Magnus puts Henry and Tesla at work together (which is about nine different kinds of awesome) to create a weapon that can ‘reset’ the super-abnormals DNA rendering them just, well…normal. The dynamic due try testing it on a Furby Tribble Nubbin first.

Poor Damian.

But while they’re trying - and failing - to perfect the device, Ashley and the super-abnormals hit the Tokyo Sanctuary, crumbling it within a matter of minutes. Helen orders the other Sanctuaries to evacuate their staff and residents, but in just a short time Bejing, New Delhi and Moscow are hit as well, and the London Sanctuary seems likely to be the next target. Magnus and Co. go to London with a weapon prototype, hoping to stop the super-abnormals before they can cause any more chaos. “I hate to use this terminology, but we are at war. And one that we are ill-prepared for.”

In London, Will, um, reconnects with Clara, and we meet the new head of the UK Sanctuary, filling in after Watson’s demise in India *sniff, sniff*  I do like Declan, though.

Pretty soon it’s battle stations, because the super-abnormals are at the front door. Literally. And hey, look! The Sanctuary has a troll.

OH MY GOD, I’m not sure I could possibly love Druitt more than I do RIGHT NOW.

And this? Also very cool.

But their combined efforts don’t do much more than annoy the super-abnormals, and when they finally get Ashley within close range, they find that Tesla’s weapon is almost entirely ineffective. In a desperate last-ditch attempt, they try setting the super-abnormals on fire.

And even that doesn’t so much kill them as just slow them down a little.

In the end it’s a draw. The Cabal extract their soldiers and regroup for a hit on the main target: Old City’s Sanctuary. The Sanctuary crew is left to pick up the pieces and hope that, somehow, they can stop the attacks before the entire network has fallen.

And did I mention?

It’s been an all around bad week for our heroes.

In the interlude before the coming battle, Helen finally admits to Nikola that she’s asked him to do the impossible. The weapon will never work, not without killing Ashley and the other abnormals, and of course, Tesla knew that. But he tried to do it anyway. Magnus gives Tesla a sample of Ashley’s blood and tells him to finish it.

By the time the Super Ashley Gang attacks the weapon is ready, and Magnus is able to stop nearly all of the super-soldiers. But when the moment arrives, Magnus can’t do it. She can’t kill her own daughter. So Ashley makes the choice for her: in what is probably her strongest moment as a character, she sacrifices herself for the safety of the Sanctuary, and the episode ends on Helen Magnus’ grief-stricken sobs.

Geez.

Season Two has certainly opened with a bang. Good storytelling, great effects and strong acting. They really didn’t pull any punches, did they? Will’s girlfriend has been killed (a loss made even more painful when you realize that it was Will who convinced her to come to the Sanctuary in the first place). The Sanctuary network, Helen’s life work, has been compromised and very nearly crippled; no doubt they’ll be picking up the pieces for months to come. And Ashley, Helen Magnus’ only child and our resident Action Girl, is dead. Or is she? You can never be sure in sci-fi.

I’ll just say it now: I am completely and totally stoked for this season.

Stray observations…

- Henry’s ringtone is a wolf howl. Love. It.

- That black stuff kind Will released on the super-abnormal of reminded me of the black symbiote that attached itself to Spiderman.

- It’s probably the only bright spot from this week, but at least the Big Guy is better now.

- Christopher Heyerdahl absolutely brings it in this episode. Druitt is tormented by his past and his inability to make things right for Helen. The look on his face when he stabs his daughter is just heartbreaking. The Big Guy is conflicted, caught between his ties to his people, and his loyalty to Magnus and his adopted Sanctuary family. Heyerdahl, who has played no less than four different characters in the Stargate franchise (and one incredibly creepy stint as the demon Alastair on Supernatural), is a sorely underrated chameleon of an actor.

- I know I’ve made some joking comparisons between this show and the Buffy-verse, but these two episodes have cemented what I’ve been feeling for awhile: in the world of Sanctuary, while Helen and Buffy are not so much alike, it’s rather obvious that Druitt is Angel and Tesla is Spike. I mean, seriously. Even the characterizations are similar: Druitt is tall, dark, handsome and broodingly quiet, while Tesla is the deadpan snarker. They’re both old aquaintances and they both love the same girl, but she has very different feelings toward the two of them.

One guy did some terrible things under the influence of something beyond his control and the girl understands that it wasn’t his fault, but is still hurt by his actions and his apparent betrayal. They love each other but they realize now that their relationship will never return to the way it was.

The other guy’s done some bad things, too, operated with only his own goals in mind and relentlessly scoffed at her gang of loyal friends. But this guy loves the girl, and for all he’s done, he’s never hurt her like the other guy has. For her he is willing to do almost anything, including attempting the impossible, because he can’t stand to see her heartbroken. But even so, deep down he knows: she doesn’t really love him. 

Why is it that our heroines are so often doomed in love?

 Nicknames: Henry is “Tiny Tim”

“Nikola, did I ever tell you why my father founded the Sanctuary network all those decade ago?”

“Because he was a crappy doctor?”

Hannah’s Notes

- Ashley’s powers don’t make a whole lot of sense. She’s got teleportation powers from her dad, but where did the vampirism come from? Tesla’s only part vampire because he already had the genes from an ancestor – if Helen or Druitt had those genes, the Source Blood should have turned them into vampires too. So why would their daughter react to the Source Blood that way?

- She’s wearing leather pants but she’s not evil. That’s just so weird. [Agreed. Somebody call Joss Whedon! - Emily]

Meanwhile, Ashley’s teleporting into high security facilities and stealing stuff. Was that a throwing star that Ashley threw at the surveillance camera? That is so badass. Like father like daughter.

And back at the Sanctuary…

We see that Will and Clara, the Invisible Girl, are now officially dating. It’s not easy, what with her being an ocean away at the London Sanctuary and Tesla crashing their video chat. I pretty much love everything about Will and Tesla’s dialogue in this scene. Can we please have Tesla around more often?

In an interesting twist, the Big Guy remains unwilling to undergo treatment for the Lazarus virus because a man-made cure would go against his cultural beliefs. Though it’s an obvious tension-creating plot device, I appreciate the fact that abnormals are portrayed as fully formed beings with their own cultures and traditions, and not just freaks of an otherwise human nature.

But I really, really hate seeing the Big Guy like this.

Magnus’ choice to cooperate with Druitt in Ashley’s search has lead to some considerable tension between the two. Helen wants her daughter back but doesn’t want her daughter’s dad to think that anything has changed between them. Where’s Dr. Phil when you need him? 

This is a very cool shot.

The Cabal are using Ashley for some nefarious plan involving the Lazarus virus and abnormal eradication and test subjects with perfect DNA, or something, but I kind of blanked out at this point because trying to apply logic to the science just makes my head hurt.

What it really means is that we get a lot of scenes with exposition that we can only hope will set us up for some major action.

 And the award for Creepiest Scientist in a Basic Cable Series goes to…!

While trying to track down one of the five people the fate of the entire world rests upon, Magnus and Will run into Kate, a bounty hunter with a potential connection to the Cabal. Magnus has apparently been taking lessons in Advanced Bad-Assery from Druitt and is so BEYOND playing Mrs. Nice Lady. She wants Ashley and if she has to shoot Kate to get her back, then so be it.

Will is not so much in favor of this plan.

Will and Magnus go outside to talk about her feelings and stuff. Will thinks Magnus has been spending a little too much time with Jack the Ripper and is dangerously close to flying off the handle. But Will can’t understand because he’s never lost a child, has he? What neither of them seem to consider is that they’ve left Henry alone with Kate. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? Nothing could go wrong there.

Nope, not at all.

So Kate gets away…for about twenty minutes. Turns out the Cabal like her even less than Helen Magnus does (which is saying something) and she finds her way back to the Sanctuary with information and a gaping leg wound. Looks like we’ll have a new houseguest, at least for the next few episodes.

Or maybe not, since her intel leads the team right into an Ashley ambush. The new an’ improved, incredibly powerful, and full-on evil Ashley is stronger than Tesla and faster than Druitt, forcing them to beat a hasty retreat back to the Sanctuary. The Cabal have turned Ashley into a super-soldier and created five more in her image. The fight is on.

Long-winded explanations aside, there were a lot of great moments in this episode, and the scene between Henry and Biggie has to be the most touching. Henry’s relationship with the Big Guy has been largely unexplored but we learn a lot about them here, and I found it very compelling. The Sanctuary writers have given us so many wonderful, real, and honest relationships. I don’t care what else they do as long as they keep doing that right.

Next time on Sanctuary: will Biggie get better? Can Ashley be saved? Will she kill that creepy scientist lady (because, really, she is so asking for it)?

Stray observations…

- I kind of love Robin Dunn’s British accent.

- They really love this split-screen effect, don’t they?

- “Five by five”? Is that a little Buffy shout-out?

- So why is it that Biggie can’t go home? I hope we get to find out more about his history.

- Wherever “Old City” is, it’s apparently within driving distance of Vancouver.

- One of the Montana test subjects is named “Martin Wood”, who is one of the show’s executive producers and the director of this episode.

- Nice Princess Bride quip from Henry. “Have fun storming the castle.”

You FAIL At Biology: “Perfectly flawless” DNA is kind of a meaningless idea.

Nicknames: Will is “Huggy Bear” and “Dr. Expendable”.

“Your shaggy friend is still refusing treatment, and frankly I’m insulted.”

“Oh right, yeah, because I forgot - this is all about you.”

“I have spent weeks creating a working treatment for the Lazarus virus, I spent weeks more traveling the earth disseminating it to the affected abnormals, effectively stemming an outbreak, and in the end the creep in the room with the hair doesn’t want to take his medicine! It’s personal and we both know it is.”

 Hannah’s Notes

 - It’s always with the bugs or weird food. For some reason, all abnormals can be bribed with food. That doesn’t work with real people.

Meanwhile, in India…

(I half-expected goblins to crawl down these pillars)

Magnus and Co. have found their way into the labyrinth beneath the ruined vampire city, and it’s still fairly uncertain how they’ll possibly retrieve the Source Blood.

But what’s this?

TESLA’S BACK!

[Excited? Who, me? Nah.]

Druitt seems a little disappointed. “Oh, I know he’s difficult to kill, but I’m sure there are ways.” Turns out that Tesla, who really wants to get his skinny little hands on the Source Blood, has been coming to Bhalasaam for months. But alas, Gregory Magnus, puzzle-maker extraordinaire, has ensured that the blood can only be retrieved through full cooperation from The Five. They must each complete a test that is unique to their own abilities, and if they complete the test they will collect a key. The five keys combined can then be used to unlock the vial of Source Blood.

Sounds simple enough, right?

Will accompanies Clara to her test, which requires her to maintain perfect invisibility or else be engulfed by the earth. No pressure there. Clara wants Will to strip naked as well, despite his protestations that – unlike her – people can see him. But you know, Will doesn’t really have a whole lot to be self-conscious about…

Ooh la la.

Watson and Druitt have a combined test, which requires working together when they can barely speak to each other civilly. This whole scene between Watson and Druitt was absolute magic.

There’s a lot of pain between these two. The discovery that John Druitt was Jack the Ripper left Watson’s trust in his friends and confidence in his abilities forever shaken. “It was not just that I failed to see the clues laid out before me. It was that it was you, John.” Druitt, forever haunted by the actions that were not entirely of his own doing, is doubly hurt by the continued resentment from one of his closest friends. We discover so much about these two characters and their relationship, and it left me wanting more.

The same goes for the wonderful scenes between Tesla and Helen. None of the others really like Tesla that much, which is probably fair, given his track record. But while Magnus is definitely annoyed by the cocky scientist, on the whole she seems more exasperated than angry. There’s an affection between them that only old friends can have, and bravo to the the actors for that. They really do behave as if they’ve known each other for a very long time. Tesla’s history with The Five is as checkered as Druitt’s, as his grueling gauntlet of a test demonstrates. “Your father really didn’t like me, did he?” “You’re an acquired taste.”

Nikola is s-s-s-mokin’

So each of The Five retrieve their keys and together they get the Source Blood. And they all live happily ever after. The End.

Right?

Please?

Watson! NOOOOOO!

Excuse me a moment, I seem to have a bit of dust in my eye.

*sniff*

In the Cabal laboratory, Henry discovers that he has more control over his shapeshifting abilities than he ever realized, and uses this to escape and rescue Ashley. Wereboy FTW!

And just when you think it’s going to be a repeat taser performance, Druitt swoops in to save the day, and all is well.

For real this time.

Right?

That is one phenomenal cliffhanger.

Stray observations…

- Loved the continuing development of Watson as a character. He really took Will under his wing and encouraged our young doctor’s abilities.

“I am seriously geeking out right now.”

“As am I.”

And when Will and Clara returned, sans most of their clothing, I just adored Watson’s little “Well done, William.”

- I really loved The Five all together (well, at least the four of them). There’s a nice camaraderie there that really makes it seem like they’ve known each other for well over a century. And Magnus isn’t just the leader, she’s kind of like their mom. She breaks up tiffs between “her boys”, first Watson and Druitt, then Druitt and Tesla. “Honestly. I am surrounded by adolescents.”

- So it’s the Source Blood that keeps Druitt alive? That must be why he needs Helen’s blood.

“What the hell was all that about?”

“Well, the guy who invented radio just dissed Jack the Ripper.”

“Elementary, my dear Watson.”

“Oh, shut up!”

“You tried to kill me!”

“Yeah…but you know, we all hurt the ones we love.”

“Thanks for taking off your pants.”

“You never have to thank me for that.”

Hannah’s Notes

- Helen (speaking of ancient vampires): “They weren’t a threat to anyone.” Yeah, except they WERE, because they KILLED PEOPLE.

- Take the man’s dang backpack, John! Good grief!

- When exactly does Will find time to work out?